I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize