He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
