It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
