If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
