we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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