I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
