Whod you bang
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All the doctor said was why
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
