My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
