so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
