i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize