And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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