you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
