i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
