yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
