I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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