He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
