chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
