Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
