just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
