We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
