I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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