Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
