real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
