you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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