on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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