An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
