called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
