just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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