which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
