so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
