I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
