I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My dick has a subreddit
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
