a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
