my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
