Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
