hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The feeling are messing with the penis
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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