you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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