I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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