Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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