Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
