So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
