I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
