My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
