Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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