dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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