WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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