Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize