u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
