Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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