May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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