can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
