someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
