the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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