So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
