It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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