it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
