I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
