I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
we should paint friendship bongs
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