i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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