I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
