You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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