I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
