When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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