so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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