That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize