The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
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