so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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